{"id":112181,"date":"2018-11-07T23:09:07","date_gmt":"2018-11-07T23:09:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sftarticles.wpenginepowered.com\/en\/?p=112181"},"modified":"2025-07-01T22:46:54","modified_gmt":"2025-07-02T05:46:54","slug":"how-to-deal-with-passive-aggressive-emails","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/how-to-deal-with-passive-aggressive-emails\/","title":{"rendered":"How to deal with passive aggressive emails"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

There are certain buzzwords and phrases, that when added to professional emails, sound the interpersonal alarm bells.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks in advance\u201d takes away your autonomy. \u201cPlease advise\u201d comes across abruptly.<\/p>\n

Whether someone wants to touch base, check in, or circle back, it\u2019s hard not to feel like your digital space is under attack.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no real cure for dealing with passive aggressiveness altogether, but we\u2019ll say this outright: fighting fire with fire isn\u2019t the best approach.<\/p>\n

How to deal with passive aggressive emails<\/h2>\n

The phrases we hate<\/h3>\n

In a recent survey covering the state of work communications, Adobe uncovered the nine most-hated email phrases<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Leading the charge was the nagging lead-in \u201cnot sure if you saw my last email,” with 25% of respondents voting in agreement.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the break down below:<\/p>\n

\"Most<\/p>\n

One of the most loathed phrases is, \u201cany updates?\u201d Which, frankly doesn\u2019t necessarily belie some hidden meaning.<\/p>\n

And in the case of \u201cplease advise,\u201d it’s a phrase we tend to hate because it\u2019s overly formal.<\/p>\n

So, the point is\u2014there\u2019s a lot of room for misinterpretation here.<\/p>\n

The first step in combatting potential issues is checking yourself first<\/a>. Passive aggressive email behavior differs from using a turn of phrase that annoys people.<\/p>\n

Things like avoiding conflict in-person and instead, sending an email, or calling out a small mistake and CC-ing the whole team or the boss, or incorrectly labeling messages \u201curgent\u201d all come to mind.<\/p>\n

Or, worse, you\u2019re dealing with a person who lies, takes things out of context, or fails to loop you in re: a project or deadline.<\/p>\n

So, how does one deal, if they\u2019ve got an offender on their team? Below, we\u2019ll look at a few ways to keep cool and come out on top.<\/p>\n

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Is Inbox Zero a goal worth striving for?<\/p>\r\n Read Now \u25ba<\/a>\r\n <\/div>\r\n <\/div>\r\n <\/a>\r\n <\/div>\r\n<\/div>\n

How do you handle an email bully?<\/h3>\n

Psychology Today<\/a>\u00a0recommends handling a workplace passive-aggressor with the following three steps:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Know what you\u2019re dealing with<\/li>\n
  2. Refuse to engage<\/li>\n
  3. Acknowledge the anger<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    We should add that this doesn’t mean you’re ignoring emails. Instead, you’re identifying a problem, keeping your cool, but acknowledging that it’s okay to feel upset, confused, or angry.<\/p>\n

    A couple of pro tips:<\/p>\n

    Content, not context<\/h3>\n

    Follow the advice of\u00a0 Neil Lavender, and again, just don\u2019t engage. In Lavender’s book “Toxic Coworkers<\/a>,” he says it’s better to follow up with requests based on content instead of trying to analyze contextual clues.<\/p>\n

    For example, if someone asks for a report, an update, or something else, just send it along.<\/p>\n

    No, stewing in anger, no spending time writing your best covert insults. Instead, move<\/p>\n

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    Before you respond\u2014write a draft in a secured location<\/h3>\n

    We\u2019ll take this example from motivational speaker Drew Dudley<\/a>. Basically, if you receive an email that makes you angry, write an unfiltered response in a Word document or your laptop\u2019s notepad, it\u2019s up to you. Just make sure these private feelings never touch any email windows.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Let it all out and save your draft in a folder\u2014Dudley calls his\u00a0folder \u201cthis could have happened.\u201d Then take a minute to listen to some music or go for a walk.<\/p>\n

    Or, revisit this 2017 Twitter thread:<\/p>\n

    \n

    I’m also a fan of laying out all the facts of where they have me confused.<\/p>\n

    And ending with “please advise” pic.twitter.com\/PSgPwtVrgj<\/a><\/p>\n

    \u2014 Millionaire la flare (@DeeRene_) August 22, 2017<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Then, come back and write your response\u2014the professional, clear-headed version\u2014and get on with the day.<\/p>\n

    Avoid emotional words like \u201cI feel\u201d or \u201cI think.\u201d Take out any instances where you use the word \u201cyou.\u201d It sounds like you\u2019re blaming the sender.<\/p>\n

    You’ll also want to consider the root of the behavior. Are there certain fears that motivate this person? Is their rudeness grounded in reality\u2014I.e. are you meeting expectations and deadlines, or inadvertently leaving colleagues in a lurch?<\/p>\n

    Back to saving these drafts, though. Dudley has another good point: looking over those unsent missives later gives you some distance.<\/p>\n

    These secret docs serve as a reminder of the terrible choices not<\/em> made\u2014and highlight the fact that maybe, getting \u201ctoo real\u201d won\u2019t provide long-term satisfaction.<\/p>\n

    \"email<\/p>\n

    Protect your sanity<\/h2>\n

    Passive aggressive people are a fact of life. Whether its the friend who can\u2019t help but stick a jab into every conversation or a housemate who leaves annoying notes around the house\u2014these annoying interactions can suck the joy out of certain moments. But, in these cases, you can shut it down.<\/p>\n

    At work, making waves, of course, is unseemly. You risk getting called thin-skinned. Emotional. Or accused of misunderstanding. And while we mentioned in the above section that \u201ctaking the high road\u201d is the best course of action, there are some exceptions to the rule.<\/p>\n

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    How to overcome notification overload<\/p>\r\n READ NOW \u25ba<\/a>\r\n <\/div>\r\n <\/div>\r\n <\/a>\r\n <\/div>\r\n<\/div>\n

    Talk to the offender<\/h3>\n

    But, it may be worth having an in-person conversation about how a colleague\u2019s passive aggressive behavior is coming across.<\/p>\n

    We\u2019ll first underline this point: do not get defensive or accuse the person of being passive-aggressive.<\/p>\n

    Instead, be direct, focus on the message your colleague is trying to get across and consider whether you\u2019re contributing to the problem in one way or another.<\/p>\n

    Boundaries, baby<\/h3>\n

    Control your behavior. If a coworker asks you to do something that you don\u2019t have time for\u2014say no and explain why.<\/p>\n

    If someone is sending you too many follow up emails, give them a specific time to expect an update. The flip side here, though, is, you\u2019ll actually need to follow up at that time.<\/p>\n

    Don\u2019t be afraid to speak up<\/h3>\n

    Finally, passive-aggressive behavior should not be tolerated, due to the negative impact on business.<\/p>\n

    According to a piece in the Harvard Business Review,<\/a> passive-aggressive emails (well, behavior in general) can stall decision making, risk management, and execution. Employees begin to doubt their judgment\u2014make a wrong move and risk being called out on a group CC. This behavior erodes trust\u2014and undermines collaboration.<\/p>\n

    Business leaders should aim to set expectations and reinforce them on a regular basis. Employees, too, need to be able to calmly and respectfully speak up.<\/p>\n

    No one deserves to be bullied and it\u2019s everyone\u2019s responsibility to be vigilant in the name of both basic decency and productivity.<\/p>\n\n

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    \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Don’t get fired because you got a nasty email. Here’s how to survive this common work issue.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9161,"featured_media":113226,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","wpcf-pageviews":0},"categories":[2441],"tags":[],"usertag":[],"vertical":[],"content-category":[],"class_list":["post-112181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-to"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/112181","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9161"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=112181"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/112181\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":327078,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/112181\/revisions\/327078"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/113226"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=112181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=112181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=112181"},{"taxonomy":"usertag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/usertag?post=112181"},{"taxonomy":"vertical","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/vertical?post=112181"},{"taxonomy":"content-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-articles.softonic.io\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/content-category?post=112181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}