The old books tell that when the real Queen of England passed away, her firstborn son took command of the state by anointing the scepter and crown and sinking on the royal throne, receiving the warmth of the subjects outside the palace who were waiting for him lauding him. It may seem like the 15th century, but it is 2023: after 70 years of Elizabeth II’s reign, without at any time thinking of abdicating (it is not as if she had shot an elephant, for example), it is now her son Charles who has to not only reign, but also endure the coronation ceremony.
If he already looks very tired every time he has to attend a royal event, thinking how good he would be watching a movie with Camilla and letting the servants prepare them a Colacao, imagine how he will be throughout the hours and hours of the coronation. After all, she is 74 years old, so she is not ready for this kind of things. On May 6 (that is, this Saturday) we will see (whoever wakes up for it) a historic moment: a whole country pretending to like a man who has been laughed at all his life. Let’s see how they are going to do it.
Well, but what is a coronation?
In case you didn’t get enough of Philip VI’s in 2014 or live in a state where there is no person in power with sacred rights, a coronation is basically the very long act by which the King becomes King. Eight months have passed since the death of Elizabeth II (and eleven since she had tea with Paddington Bear, the pinnacle of her reign) and much of London is going to take to the streets to celebrate the fact that they have a new sovereign.
During the coronation, coincidentally, the crown will be placed on Charles III, a gesture that unites monarchy, church and state in a religious ritual where, in the XXI century, the king will swear before the country and God. In Buckingham they have said that the ceremony will look to the future but something makes us suspect that it will seem as modern as that lemon that has been in your fridge since August 2021 and looks at you with “Please throw me now” eyes.
How long will the ceremony last?
If you were planning to wake up on Saturday at noon with the coronation until the body can take it, prepare a few snacks, because it won’t be short. True, it won’t last three hours like her mother’s (and any current blockbuster), but it will last two hours. After all, the ceremony has been repeated for a millennium, so it’s well thought out: don’t expect Shakira to suddenly come out and sing four things to Piqué or for the guests to wear dresses worthy of the MET gala. It’s going to be an austere affair, except for the gold, the diamonds, the scepter and the crown and the absolute power in the hands of one person.
What is going to happen?
It will be more or less like the Holy Mass on La 2 but with much more luxury. The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, will be the presenter of the ceremony, which will begin with Charles III saying who he is and introducing himself to the people. He will then be sworn in and anointed with holy oil, something that, despite the hilarious memes it would give, we won’t see. Too bad no one thinks of Twitter in those moments.
Afterwards, the king will dress in coronation robes and be invested wearing the orb, the coronation ring and a bunch of other junk that will then go to the Tower of London until William picks up the baton in a couple of years. At the end of the ceremony he will approach the throne, put on the crown and the only prince who still cares about all this will kneel before his father. Afterwards, the subjects will go on to do the same in an exercise as archaic as it is, truth be told, aerobic.
Which crown will you wear?
It is hard to believe that the Crown of St. Edward weighs only two and a bit kilos. At a time of inflation and in which the differences between classes are increasingly notorious, the British monarchy will put on the head of a lord a crown with 444 precious stones (sapphires, rubies, amethysts, etc.). The artifact in question has existed since Charles II was king in 1661 and must remain in Westminster Abbey.
When you leave, so that your bald head does not suffer from the sun, they will put on another one: created in 1937, the Crown of the Imperial State has only 2868 diamonds, including one of the largest in the world (Cullinan II). After its mass bath ends at St. Edward’s Chapel, the King will have to leave it ready to be returned to Buckingham Palace. How lazy to ask for a Glovo at such moments, but that’s the way it is.
Will there be a procession?
There will indeed be a procession. Two, in fact, through the streets of London. One to go to be crowned and the other already crowned. So that no one thinks of doing something crazy, the King will be protected by fighter planes, 29,000 police and other anti-terrorist deployment. In total he will go by carriage (the Diamond Jubilee State Coach) to and from London (the famous Gold State Coach) for 2.09 kilometers. Very austere.
The Queen, in her day, made a procession of 8 kilometers, but it was another era. In both processions the king will make the same way, from Buckigham Palace to Westminster Abbey through The Mall and Whitehall. Just as you take a nice little Saturday stroll to go for a coffee and a doughnut, Charles III takes it to put a crown on his head. There have always been classes.
How much is the coronation going to cost?
Because sure, your coffee and donut cost two and a bit euros, but a coronation like this doesn’t look cheap, does it? You’re right… although we don’t know the exact figure. We’re supposed to get it sooner or later, yes, in a supposed exercise of transparency from the least transparent king. And that’s saying something. The excuse for this insane spending of money is the usual one: maintaining the claim that the Crown gives more money than it takes away. “More than a billion is expected to enter the economy as a result of this Coronation,” the palace has said.
Basically, the idea is that the more they spend, the more they gain in every way: as more than a hundred important pieces of British politics will attend, they will have the opportunity to chat and get to know each other. Ah, if only we had a simple tool to be able to talk to someone in real time wherever you are! We’ll have to wait for the next coronation. From the British Crown they have also said that, to save costs, Charles has reused many ceremonial elements instead of ordering new ones. We will call him the Marie Kondo of kings.
Is Camilla going to be queen, and what about the family?
Camilla will be anointed queen but will not receive a crown made specifically for her, but will wear the crown of Mary, the wife of George V: when, in 1911, she paid the crown full of gems, she did it expecting that all future consorts would wear it, and they will comply. Of course, she will make changes to it. Nothing, four little things, such as putting on three of the largest diamonds in the world, owned by Elizabeth II. “To honor her memory,” he says. Typical memory honored with three diamonds the size of my fist.
For his part, Harry will attend but Meghan will stay in California with her two children sipping a daiquiri and taking a dip in the pool. No one can blame her. The official excuse is that her son Archie is four years old, but really she wouldn’t have attended the ceremony even at gunpoint. For his part, the king’s brother, Andrew, will also attend, although he no longer works in the royal family, so it’s time to rest and get away from the hard work of charging millions for a testimonial position.
At the ceremony we can expect familiar faces: more than a hundred mandatories from around the world, including Jill Biden and, it is assumed, the King and Queen of Spain. Instead of the 8000 people his mother invited, Carlos III has invited only 2000. And you thought your group of friends was big, huh?
What else is going to happen that weekend?
First there will be a concert at Windsor Castle where Lionel Richie, Katy Perry and Take That will sing. In addition, people will be urged to prepare a fancy meal to celebrate having a new sovereign. Of course, different places in the UK will have special illuminations and, perhaps most importantly, Monday will be a holiday for all Brits. Finally something we all understand.
The coronation is here, and it looks like this king is willing to be more modern than Elizabeth II. It doesn’t look like he’s opening a TikTok tomorrow, but at least he’s opening his doors to (supposed) austerity. We’ll have to see. For the moment, it’s time to celebrate: any excuse is a good one for a nice meal.