Fatal Fury: City of the Wolves has been an absolute failure with critics and audiences. Although it has appeared in Wrestlemania, it has had a prominent spot at the biggest fighting game event in the world and has had very aggressive marketing, it has not managed to gain the traction they expected. What are the reasons? In reality, there are many. One of them is that SNK games have never really caught on in the U.S. Another is that the game has failed to attract the Japanese audience, which was one of its main markets, nor the Latin American audience, probably due to the exaggerated price at which it was released in that market.
But according to the public? According to the public, it has failed because of its cameos. In the game, there are two guest fighters in the form of footballer Cristiano Ronaldo and DJ Salvatore Ganacci who, upon their announcement, managed to kill the game’s momentum. But while it’s doubtful that this was the only reason for its failure, although having a footballer who garners more disdain than passion certainly contributed, that doesn’t mean it isn’t at least part of the blame. And we’re going to talk about that. Seven video games that revolve around real people that would have been better off without them. Or not. Let’s be honest. They wouldn’t have been. But people are happier thinking they would.
Chuck Norris Superkicks
Perhaps the best game on the list is Chuck Norris Superkicks. An Atari 2600 fighting game where we control a karateka who must reach a monastery in less than six minutes. With warriors ambushing him, throwing shurikens, and having to fight his way through in the only way he knows, with punches and kicks, the game is serviceable. Not particularly good, not particularly bad, we have played worse things and we certainly know it’s Chuck Norris because the cover says so. But what we are going to talk about here? This game can even be enjoyed.
Shaq Fu
Why would you make a fighting game where Shaquille O’Neal does kung-fu to face off against an evil mummy that has kidnapped a child, transporting both to another dimension? We don’t know, and it would seem incredible if it weren’t for the fact that the result is absolutely terrible. The game is slow, confusing, and doesn’t even have music during the fights in some versions of the game. A game that had the potential to be a hilariously crazy experience but, we fear, would not have been better without Shaquille O’Neal.
Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style
Depending on who you ask, Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style is either an excellent game or an absolute disaster of a fighting game. With a story told through very period-appropriate cutscenes, featuring music from the Wu-Tang Clan themselves and heavily inspired by Mortal Kombat, it may not be a great game, but it is a fun, flashy game that allows for good matches. And above all: it would be infinitely worse without the Wu-Tang Clan. That’s why it’s here. Because every now and then, we also have to defend some of these decisions. Sometimes famous people are included not for commercial appeal, but out of pure love.
Michael Jordan Chaos in the Windy City
Making a Soccer Kid basketball game sounds like a great idea. Having it feature Michael Jordan rescuing the Chicago Bulls from ’95 sounds even better. The problem is that the experience of playing Michael Jordan Chaos in the Windy City is absolutely miserable. Most of the time the game is fun, but then you have to make jumps. And it demands absurd precision with hitboxes that work sometimes and controls that don’t function well. And you realize that Michael Jordan would not have approved this.
MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch
For a fighting game to be considered the worst fighting game in history, it must truly earn that title. MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch does just that. It is an absolutely terrible game, with a roster of characters that has aged like milk and with mechanics that make playing it tremendously miserable. Did you find the MTV show funny? Well, we have bad news: it has aged horribly. Still, we have even worse news. MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch is an even worse video game than that.
Steven Seagal Is: The Final Option
The crown jewel. A game so bad that you can’t even play it. Steven Seagal Is: The Final Option was never released for unknown reasons. And seeing the footage that remains, we are not surprised. It’s clunky, absurd, nothing seems to work as it should, and yes, Steven Seagal looks like Steven Seagal. It’s absolutely horrible. But let’s be honest. Look at that footage. Tell us you wouldn’t want to play it. We are clear on that. We would want to play Steven Seagal Is: The Final Option. We are sure we would regret it, but that’s life: full of celebrities disappointing you.
