The Street Fighter movie has been delayed again. And the previous adaptation doesn’t give us much hope about its fidelity. Also on the horizon is the Minecraft movie, and let’s be honest: we don’t like how it looks. This has made us think about all the adaptations that video games have had over the years. In particular, the absolutely horrible ones. That’s why we’re not going to take the easy route. We already know that Super Mario Bros. and Street Fighter seem bad to you. Those movies have charm. They are bad for amateurs. Today we bring you the truly dreadful ones. The movies so terrible they would make a goat vomit. And believe us: you would prefer not to know they even exist.
Mortal Kombat Annihilation
Mortal Kombat by Paul W.S. Anderson is an interesting, creative movie that knows how to film a fight and works wonders with its special effects. What happened to Mortal Kombat Annihilation? That the abuse of slow motion, a tiny budget, and choreography as questionable as the camera work make the movie not work at all. Still, we warn you: it is the best of the bunch. The costumes, the music, and some specific moments make it enjoyable, even though it is much worse than the original and even enjoyable in its own right at times. Something we cannot say about any of the following.
Wing Commander
How do you make a science fiction movie when your script can be summarized on a napkin and your budget doesn’t even allow for a visit to McDonald’s for the entire cast? That seems to be what they tried to answer with Wing Commander, a tremendously loose adaptation of the space combat simulator series from Origin Systems. Filled with close-ups, cheap special effects, and nonsensical cuts, it is a movie that tries to capitalize on the success of the games without much success. Or none at all. And yet it is better than everything that is to come.
The House of the Dead
There are things that are better left to die. A good example is House of the Dead. Its remakes are terrible, some of the worst remakes we have seen in a long time. But of course: they are cursed by one of the worst movie adaptations ever seen. The House of the Dead is cheap, poorly shot, incoherent, has bad action, and, of course, bears no relation to the video game. And if you think it can’t get any worse, have faith in Uwe Boll. He can always outdo himself.
Alone in the Dark
It took less than a year and a half to make the worst-rated movie in the history of Rotten Tomatoes with a 1%. And we believe it is fully justified. With absolutely no relation to the game, Alone in the Dark is an ugly, bad, nonsensical, and boring movie. Everything that was wrong in The House of the Dead is wrong here, but additionally, the special effects are even worse and, for some reason, the entire movie is underexposed, making it so that you can’t see half of what happens for most of the time. An absolute nonsense.
BloodRayne
We haven’t finished with Uwe Boll yet. You’re not going to get rid of this nightmare so easily. Blood Rayne is everything bad about the previous two movies, only now it looks like it was filmed directly for television. Is it worse than Alone in the Dark? Probably not. Now, what do all these games have in common? As a result of Uwe Boll making an adaptation, their franchises have been unable to release a title that isn’t a critical and public failure. So here is a curse. The curse of Uwe Boll. And we don’t intend to overlook it.
Tekken
How bad can a Tekken movie be? Very bad, although not as much as they say. It is true that any resemblance to the video game franchise is purely coincidental, that aesthetically and narratively it is a disaster, and that the fights are anything but interesting, but it does what most movies on this list do not: it tries. It tries to be Tekken. And it’s a disaster, but you know what? That’s enough for us to say, like with Mortal Kombat Annihilation, that it hardly deserves to be on this list.
Silent Hill: Revelation
Silent Hill: Revelation fell victim to several things. The first, being called Silent Hill. The second, is the obsession of the early 10s with doing everything in 3D. Because otherwise, it is a horror movie that could have been quite enjoyable. The problem is that it doesn’t know what it wants to do or what it wants to be. It fails to be Silent Hill, it fails to be a scare fest, and ends up a disaster in everything it tries to do. Perhaps it is not absolutely terrible and, without prejudice, it is a perfectly enjoyable movie. But it could have been so many things that it is not…
Hitman: Agent 47
What do Hitman: Agent 47 and the video game Hitman: Agent 47 have in common? They both feature a bald assassin with a barcode on the back of his neck as the protagonist. Other than that, the video game is much better. Is the movie as bad as they say? It is an extremely generic action movie, with quite questionable special effects and a lead actor with no charisma whatsoever, but be careful. It has some impressive action scenes, a few well-executed spots, and a fairly decent pace. This doesn’t prevent it from being an average movie and a terrible adaptation of the video game, but it’s still better than much of what people say. Because sometimes, yes, we are harsher than we should be. Except with Uwe Boll. We should ban him from making films.
