The best review in the history of Google Maps is a micro-story about soccer and adultery

I traveled from Morón to arrive and they told me that the court was not available, that the sign this that the sign that, a lot of biribiri.

It is one of the most enjoyable exercises in the world: looking at the Google Maps reviews of random places and realizing that there are people wasting their talent for humor by dispensing justice on the Internet for free. From ‘If you want to die, you have to go to this kebab place, and in half an hour, you’ll be in the hospital’ to ‘The continental breakfast was continental because it came from another continent, lost somewhere in the Atlantic,’ laughter is guaranteed. But what we bring you today surpasses all expectations.

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On Sundays, you abandon me for soccer

The story begins on Twitter, where Alejo, a user of the social network, was looking for a place to play soccer in Argentina, near Buenos Aires, specifically in the town of Morón. There he came across Mathias Alaniz’s review, who gave the field one star. Rightly so: ‘I traveled from Morón to get there, and they tell me the field was not available, that the down payment this, the down payment that, a lot of hocus-pocus.‘ A lot of hocus-pocus. Remember that, because indeed, there was a lot of hocus-pocus.

So far, so good. A valid complaint from a user who just wanted to play the Sport of Kings. The problem is that then it enters his private life: ‘Consequence: I arrive home earlier to find my wife fooling around with the neighbor.‘ And all, of course, because of the soccer field. It’s like one thing leads to another and…

Finally, Mathias ends with a laconic ‘Never again,’ which doesn’t make it clear whether he’s referring to his wife, soccer, or just life in general. That’s the hocus-pocus for you. It’s unknown if, at least, they gave him a couple of free days from the field for the inconvenience. In any case, you could say that, in the end, they scored a goal on him, right? Job well done.

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When Flirting Goes Wrong: Exploring the Artistry of Terrible Tinder Flirting

If you’ve ever wondered “Can I tell what I’m doing wrong?” When you Match, consider that you may have fallen for one of these flirty barbasas.

If you’ve never been on a Tinder date, consider yourself one of the luckiest people in the world. Flirting in a nightclub is already rare normally, but at least you have the music, the alcohol and the night to help you (the face if you’re an attractive person). Imagine if all you have is a cell phone, a keyboard and unsuccessful attempts at seduction. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Can you tell what I’m doing wrong?” when you match, consider that you may have fallen for one of these flirty barbs.

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Getting off on the wrong foot

Flirting on Tinder is difficult, it’s true, but there are people who make it especially complicated. On the Internet we can see from people who open conversation with “Hey, what do you like? Is psychology fun? I have a degree in accounting and it’s as boring as you think” or “In that picture you have a high fuckability. I want you for my birthday with a big bow. It’s Saturday, how do we arrange it? You have to be my super gift.”

It’s not a bad idea to think that on the other side you have a stranger who, for whatever reason, might not feel like putting a bow on your birthday two days later and being “your super gift”. You can screw up because you’re socially shy, yes, but let’s not rule out that you just don’t know how to do these things and take out your frustration on people you don’t know. Take a look at this example.

“I’m a nice person but no one understands me. I love sex and can’t stop thinking about it, I’m a Scorpio, but I never get laid because I can’t stand the stupidity of most girls” may not be the breakthrough attempt you think it is, buddy. Go back to square one and think about what you’ve done. If you’re going to screw it up, you might as well just say “You’re leaving me like an orphan’s life: hard as nails” and try your luck.

Fatal answer

When you’re not in the mood to flirt, you’re not in the mood to flirt. And the answers can decide whether you succeed or end up ordering a pizza and watching ‘One piece’ until the wee hours of the morning thinking what you did wrong. For example, when asked “Tell me what’s the best thing you’ve ever cooked”, some people answer “Look on my Instagram, I have some dishes there” instead of, well, starting a conversation. But I wish that was the worst possible answer.

Everything can be worse: think that they can reply to a “Hi” saying “Ahh, you’re the person I swiped by mistake! I swiped too fast the other day and didn’t notice your profile at all“, something that, if you’ve had Tinder, you’ll know happens sometimes. And it hurts. In the end, the key is to answer well: if someone says “My exams are going like hell”, it’s enough to be quick to say “well, if it’s like yours, an A”. Flirting is possible (if you are funny). But some people get confused even after a simple “Hello”.

Want a good way to start and not look like a psychopath? Point: “Titanic. There’s no better way to break the ice”. When you’re having a drink with the other person, you’ll thank us for it.

Profiles that do not

And, of course, be very careful in your profile. It’s true that falling into the typical “Friend of my friends”, putting your height or similar things is boring, but it will always be better than some that we have seen on the Internet, like “Like me if you liked me or go to hell. WARNING! I have a big one” or “Would you still love me if I told you that I killed someone? (It was self-defense, obviously)”.

In view of what we’ve seen, it’s better to stay with the mountaineer, the one who goes to the gym, the one who asks for the sign of the zodiac and the one who believes he can make the world a better place between vacation photos, partying and with the cat. And in the end it would have to be the summary of all this: Do you want to flirt? Have a cat. Maybe they don’t want to meet you, but they sure want to meet the kitty.