Month: April 2019

Congratulations on surviving the Battle of Winterfell, dear reader. You and nearly all of your favorite characters had a pretty harrowing night. In “The Long Night,” we were treated to epic battle scenes, heroic deaths, some incredibly frustrating developments, and a whole lot of dark images.

Major spoilers below…

When you think of a great war movie like “Saving Private Ryan,” you recognize that much of the impact comes from being introduced to characters you love, then watching them fall. War is hell. People die. The truly great films in that genre wring you out, but leave you feeling that the sacrifice, no matter how great, was worth it. In this episode, only two deaths seemed to leave much impact. That’s a major failure when you consider the scope of this battle. And it seems to betray the ambition that made this show great.

When the series followed the books, anyone could die: Ned Stark, multiple kings, even the happy attendees at a wedding. Khal Drogo was an incredible character who died from an infection he got from a tiny cut. It kept us off-balance and we loved it. Since we’ve passed the books, the series has become significantly more predictable.

When you have a battle that is essentially humanity’s last stand, it’s fine to push all your chips in the middle of the table and lose. What if this battle left Sansa dead? Or Jaime? Or Tyrion? Sure, we’re happy we get more scenes with them, but if this show truly is “Game of Thrones,” we should have lost some major marquee names here. As it was… we lost more beloved characters during the Red Wedding. And that’s odd.

Who dies in Game of Thrones S08E03?

All of the Dothraki?

The episode begins with the perfectly-timed arrival of Melisadre, who asks all the Dothraki to put their arakhs in the air. She uses magic to light them on fire, which looked super cool. Then, for reasons that seem more cinematic than tactical, all the Dothraki charge into an unseen army and all those flaming swords get snuffed. Did it look cool? Sure. But that’s some godawful military planning. Whose idea was that? Anyway, if there are any Dothraki left, we couldn’t tell. Imagine following a dragon queen across the sea only to die in a foolhardy charge. Neat.

Dolorous Edd

The acting Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch does Sam a solid by hacking away an attacking wight (the GoT version of a zombie), then he stands around long enough to get stabbed through the back of the head. Not an unexpected death, but a nice heroic moment

Lyanna Mormont

The Boss of Bear Island goes out like a champ. Fans seem divided on this death: some loving it, some rolling their eyes. When a giant wight smashes its way into Winterfell, it swats Lyanna aside. When she returns to fight it again, it picks her up and squishes her, but she gets the last laugh by stabbing it in the eye with dragonglass. She could have also just stabbed it in the foot and watched it explode, but we understand this was more cinematic. As much as we loved this character, this moment took us out of the episode, betraying the horrors of the battle in order to deliver a little pat on the head to all the Lyanna fanboys and fangirls.

Beric Dondarrion

The man with the flaming sword jumps into action to defend Arya when the wights overpower her in the castle halls. Our brave one-eyed Brother Without Banners sacrifices himself to help Arya (and The Hound) escape the horde. As Melisandre points out, “The Lord brought him back for a purpose. Now that purpose has been served.”

Theon Greyjoy

As the White Walkers make their way to Bran in the Godswood, Theon and the other Ironborn make a valiant stand. Theon is the last man between Bran and the Night King. Bran turns to Theon and says, “You’re a good man. Thank you.” Theon turns back to the Night King, charges, and gets impaled.

This was the true emotional apex of the episode. The arc of Theon’s heel turn, torture, and eventual redemption spanned nearly the entire series. For a boy who wanted nothing more than his father’s approval, his acceptance finally came from the surrogate little brother he once tried to kill. It was a beautiful moment and a fitting end for a tragic hero.

Jorah Mormont

It’s a tad unbelievable that Jorah somehow survives the charge into the dead army while every Dothraki died. But we’ll give Jorah the Andal the benefit of the doubt. He later comes to the rescue of Daenerys when the wights close in. Jorah dies defending his queen. Unlike the scene with Bran and Theon, there are no parting words for Jorah. He probably deserved a “thank you” from his khaleesi, at the very least.

Melisandre

Talk about your unexpected MVPs! The Red Woman literally comes out of nowhere, hooks up the Dothraki with magic flaming swords, nearly gets herself killed while lighting the trenches on fire, then gives Arya the late-episode pep talk she needs to snap out of her weird funk and go slip a knife into the Night King’s belly. As she promises Davos, she follows through with her own death. After the battle, she slips off her magic de-aging necklace, walks out of Winterfell, grows old, and vanishes.

The Night King and his army

Although the army of the dead really stomped the living, The Night King was no match for the young woman with an unquenchable bloodlust. As The Night King strolls into the Godswood, it appears he’s about to murder Bran. Then, flying out of nowhere, Arya comes at him with the Valyrian steel dagger. He grabs her by the neck, but she drops the dagger into her other hand and plunges it into his stomach. Game over. Every reanimated corpse hits the turf. Arya saved the world. You can hear the “bravos” all the way from Braavos.

Who survives Game of Thrones S08E03?

Basically every other named character

Although this episode was incredibly hard to see, it definitely seems that everyone else who dies is just a no-name character. Miraculous! Plot armor saves characters who definitely should have died. We see Jon’s direwolf Ghost charge the undead with Jorah and the Dothraki, but we don’t see him return. Because he’s been spotted in the teaser for next week’s episode, he must have survived somehow. And although it seems Jon’s dragon (Rhaegal) gets killed in the battle with the undead dragon Viserion, the preview also shows he lives to fight another day. Everyone else you might care about still (improbably) lives: Bran, Sansa, Jon, Daenerys, Arya, Tyrion, Varys, Jaime, Brienne, Podrick, Tormund, Grey Worm, Missandei, The Hound, Sam, Gilly, Baby Sam, and Davos.

Things that were great about ‘The Long Night’

This episode featured some of the most beautiful images we’ve seen in the show. Among the great visuals? The charge of the flaming swords into the undead army. The dragon fire lighting up the zombies. The overwhelming impact of the dead army slamming into the army of the living. The “World War Z”-style way of the zombies scaling the walls. A giant zombie smashing up Winterfell. The shots of a frantic Jon passing his struggling friends in a last-ditch attempt to rescue Bran. A crazy busted-up Viserion spitting blue flame and thrashing around the castle. The shots of Theon’s final charge. Even Melisandre’s final moments were beautiful.

The setbacks were substantial. The episode did a great job hammering home the enormity of the threat from the undead army. The Dothraki disappeared. Everyone fell back behind the trenches. The storm was so intense, Dany couldn’t see the signal to light the trenches on fire. Melisandre’s trench-fire magic didn’t work until the last moment. The walls were breached. The Night King raised the recently deceased (including the not-so-recently-deceased in the crypt). Sansa and Tyrion looked like they were about to commit suicide together when things got bleak. Theon found himself facing certain death. The two living dragons were eliminated from the fight. Even Arya getting choked was a great way to raise the stakes. The tension was raised at every turn in this episode. We only wish they would have raised them higher by killing off some more beloved characters.

We loved The Hound being The Hound. The man hates fire and he’s a pragmatist. So when everything was going south, he was ready to pack it in. It was the most realistic reaction to the unfolding events. (Certainly more realistic than Samwell Tarly wading into certain death with a pair of dragonglass daggers.)

The music was fantastic. At many points in the episode, the score provided a heartbeat-like rhythm, which added to the tension. When the end came for Theon, the score had switched to incorporate a piano melody of resignation. The only other time the score has used piano was during the setup to Cersei’s wildfire revenge spree at the end of Season 6.

Things that were not so great

The episode was so bloody hard to see. We get it, the battle takes place at night. But we found ourselves straining to see who was alive and who might be getting killed. In some crucial moments, like the battle of the two dragons, it was hard to tell what was happening. Did both dragons die? It seemed like that, but the next episode preview shows that isn’t the case. Some more careful storyboarding might have helped us understand exactly what was going down there.

Again, we were subjected to terrible use of Ghost. Direwolves are supposed to be terrifying beasts. We’ve waited eight seasons to see them shred through a battlefield. Instead, we saw Ghost running alongside Jorah and then vanishing for the rest of the episode. What a terrible missed opportunity to pay off the presumed power of these massive pups.

Bran’s refusal to do anything was frustrating. We get it. Maybe the Three-Eyed Raven is agnostic about what happens to the world. But when the army of the dead is bearing down on you and you warg into ravens only to fly around and do nothing, that’s disappointing. We keep waiting for Bran to warg into a dragon or another person or Ghost. Instead, his little warging adventure delivered no information, didn’t raise the dramatic stakes, and wasn’t enjoyable on any level. Why did he need to warg anyway? What’s the point of having this power if you don’t use it when your entire species is on the line?

This episode featured so much general tactical stupidity. You have some incredibly smart military minds hanging out at Winterfell. The Night’s Watch had that giant scythe thing that wiped the Wildlings off The Wall. Tyrion set up the wildfire ambush of Blackwater Bay. We kept waiting all episode for the humans to pull out an unexpected ace, but the only tactic seemed to involve shoving more bodies into the meat grinder.  There were no flanking maneuvers. No secret weapons. No reinforcements hiding somewhere. Heck, if they’d bothered to install locking metal doors inside Winterfell, they could have kept the zombies contained for a good long while.

To recap, the last ditch effort to save humanity involved flinging a good chunk of your army into the darkness against an unseen enemy, setting some trenches on fire, and then trying to knock the invaders off the walls. When possible, maybe deploy some dragons to spit fire at random. Neat. How long did that plan take you to devise?

The crypt scenes didn’t truly pay off. The best moments? The slow push-in shot of the entrance while people screamed and begged to be let in before being silenced. It was also fantastic when it looked like Sansa and Tyrion might kill themselves. But when the fallen Lords and Ladies of Winterfell were reanimated, it should have been a bloodbath. Instead, a handful of people were killed and people like Varys just sat under an overhang and survived. Again, this would have been a great opportunity to show Tyrion’s quick thinking or Sansa’s leadership abilities. Would it have been too much to ask to see a headless Ned Stark corpse pawing at the living? So many missed opportunities here.

Arya’s momentary freak-out didn’t seem to make sense. She was murdering wights by the dozen, but she suddenly got scared and forgot how to fight. This would have worked better if she had witnessed the death of someone she loved or admired. As it was, she seemed to get scared because she fell down. Then, in the library, where she could have easily dispatched the handful of wights roaming around, she tiptoed around like a coward. Only when Melisandre reminded her of Syrio Forel’s old retort to the God of Death did Arya get her groove back. The entire detour into cowardice doesn’t really fit with what we know of Arya now.

Our biggest issue with this episode? Too many survivors. Countless thousands died, but they were also nameless thousands. Sure, Theon died, but the person most affected would be his sister and she wasn’t in this episode. (Sansa will likely be bummed as well, but that’s it.) Dany will be upset about Jorah, but he wasn’t integral to anything. Lyanna and Beric and Edd are tertiary characters at best.

Are we to believe Grey Worm should have survived this assault? The Unsullied valiantly stood their ground to defend the retreat. Had Grey Worm died in that effort, it would have been a fitting end to a great and noble warrior.

Brienne seems to have fulfilled her purpose. Had she died, it would have left a huge hole for Podrick, Sansa, Jaime, and Tormund.

And sure, we like Sam, but he should have died roughly every 30 seconds in this episode. How many times did he end up flat on his back, bleating like a sheep? Someone should poke this dude with Valyrian steel to see if he even bleeds. His plot armor is impenetrable and it’s just silly.

With just three episodes remaining, it’s hard to imagine there will be a better opportunity to provide fitting, poetic, and heartfelt deaths for our heroes. If this series is to be true to its head-spinning beginnings, it needs to slit throats and break hearts.

Ultimately, this episode will be hailed as a fantastic and tense depiction of battle, but other than Theon’s ill-fated charge, there’s precious little emotion that lingers after the credits roll. Compare this to the episode where Hodor died, and you’ll see why this episode falls short of its potential.

Final score: 3 out of 4 stars

“We’re all gonna die.”

As we draw near the end of this sprawling saga, nearly all our heroes and villains are on a collision course at Winterfell. The good guys can read the scoreboard. They know their odds are slim. And indeed, throughout the episode, nearly everyone lets out a sigh and admits the obvious: death is coming.

In a way, this episode was self-aware. Even if the Night King goes down, even if the living prevail, all of these characters will cease to exist on May 19. The end is coming for this story. And these great characters will join Walter White, Tony Soprano, and Omar Little among the pantheon of great TV icons.

While last week was all about logistics – moving the pieces into place, this week focused on the show’s greatest strength – allowing those pieces to interact as only they can. While so much of this series has focused on guile and deception, this episode saw all the characters drop their armor and be vulnerable. And what a thing to behold.

The episode begins with the Jaime Lannister Apology Tour. He stands before everyone in the Great Hall of Winterfell and proclaims his allegiance to the side of the living. Brienne vouches for him. This is enough to convince Sansa to suggest a reprieve for all his crimes. Daenerys agrees. Bran offers more helpful weirdness with his monotone recitation of the last words Jaime said before shoving him out a window: “The things we do for love.”

Dany gives Tyrion a tongue lashing, furious that Cersei lied about sending reinforcements. Tyrion admits he probably shouldn’t have trusted her, but later tells Jaime he thought Cersei’s pregnancy might have provided a rare moment of honesty.

Arya stops by the forges to take a long gander at Gendry, pounding away at softened steel with his massive hammer. (Foreshadowing alert!) She asks if he’s made her custom weapon yet. Then she presses him for details on what it’s like to fight the army of the dead.

Gendry is a blacksmith, not a wordsmith, so he fumbles around before finally declaring that the dead are “like death.” Somehow, this turns Arya on because she’s all about the many-faced god and she’s jazzed to see this particular death face. Then she whips three dragonglass daggers at the same spot on the wall.

Jaime continues his contrition caravan by stopping by the Godswood to make amends to Bran. Bran admits there are no hard feelings, especially since both of them have changed. Bran tells Jaime he looks forward to his help in the war to come. “What about afterwards?” Jaime asks.

“How do you know there is an afterwards?” Bran replies. (Someone needs to dub in a record scratch after everything that kid says. He’s like the love child of Debbie Downer and Ben Stein.)

Jaime and Tyrion walk through Winterfell while the northmen spit at them. The brothers chat about their sister and how, despite that baby, Cersei’s gonna Cersei. They climb the wall and Tyrion delivers his blunt assessment: “So we’re going to die at Winterfell.”

On that cheerful note, Jaime spots Brienne training some soldiers. He walks over to offer his services: “I came to Winterfell because I’m not the fighter I used to be, but I’d be honored to serve under your command if you’ll have me.” Brienne is beyond touched.

Jorah visits Dany to suggest that she forgive Tyrion the way she forgave him. It’s a brief scene, but still powerful. The “game” part of “Game of Thrones” is over. In another circumstance, Jorah might have lobbied for his old position as Hand of the Queen. Now, faced with death, Jorah believes their best chance is the smartest man.

Jorah also urges Dany to make peace with Sansa. The two women meet and share a laugh. Although Sansa claims that women can manipulate men, Daenerys explains that she’s only there to fight this war because of Jon, so manipulation can work both ways.

While it looks like a truce may be coming, things turn frosty when the subject turns to the world after this battle. Sansa’s eye is on the North, Daenerys is focused on the Iron Throne. All this talk about what happens after the coming apocalypse is the one weak spot in this episode. It’s like last season when the showrunners tried to convince us that Arya might turn heel and murder Sansa. They’re trying to inject tension where it doesn’t quite fit. This episode was strongest when focused on the coming battle against the dead, not jockeying for political position after the fact. To quote Bran, “How do you know there is an afterwards?”

Theon appears and basically replays Jaime’s beat from the beginning of the episode. “Sorry I murdered all those people. Can I fight for you now?” He gets an easier pass as Sansa hugs him immediately.

Davos somehow drew the short straw, so he’s ladling out soup to the various folks at Winterfell. A little girl with a skin problem shows up to grab a bowl and Davos thinks back to his pseudo-daughter with a dermatological condition – Shireen Baratheon. (Remember, her parents burned her alive to please the Lord of Light.) Gilly convinces the little girl that her fighting skills could be better put to use in the crypt.

Edd, Beric, and Tormund arrive at Winterfell and Tormund provides a legit jump-scare by pouncing on Jon. They deliver the news about the dead people at the Last Hearth and explain that they outraced the army of the dead. By sunrise, they estimate, the battle will be on. (Gulp.)

Our heroes gather to discuss the battle plan. Jon believes that killing the Night King should wipe out the entire army. Bran explains that because the Night King touched him, he basically has zombie LoJack on him.  Bran plans to wait in the Godswood while the Night King zeroes in on him. Why? “He wants to erase this world, and I am its memory.” Theon volunteers to defend Bran, so, uh, goodbye, Theon.

As the war council continues, Dany tells Tyrion he needs to hang in the crypt with the weakest folks. Tyrion protests, but Dany says she’ll need his mind if they can survive this fight. You have to wonder about that strategy. Tryion has proven his skill as a battle commander. (That reminds us, if only they had some wildfire lying around, that would come in handy against the White Walkers.) Tyrion relents.

Tormund wraps up the meeting on a high note, leering at Brienne and saying, “We’re all going to die, but at least we’ll die together.” Meeting adjourned!

Grey Worm and Missandei share a moment where they realize these northmen are racist as hell. Missandei says if they survive all this, she’d love to go home to the beaches of Naath. Grey Worm explains he’s just a few days from retirement, so this is a very logical plan that will totally work out. All this scene was missing was a discussion of possible names for their as-yet-unborn children. (Also missing: Grey Worm’s penis, but we digress.)

Jon, Edd, and Sam share a moment atop the walls of Winterfell, reminiscing about the Night’s Watch Class of 2011. Grenn and Pyp are long gone. (So long gone, you probably don’t even remember them anymore.) The three men share some gallows humor, now preparing to defend a much smaller set of walls against a much larger threat. You know things are serious because they don’t even take a moment to talk trash about Alliser Thorne or Olly or Janos Slynt. (Every true reunion involves reminiscing about the worst people you know collectively.)

Arya visits the Hound and Beric and they think back to that fun day when Arya wanted the Hound dead, but Clegane chopped Beric in half, but Thoros brought him back to life, then the Hound went free, and Arya flipped her lid. Fed up with these two old dudes, Arya goes hunting for some end-of-the-world sex.

Arya finds Gendry who, at long last, has finished her Darth Maul-style double-bladed dragonglass murder stick. Since death is right around the corner, she figures she might as well try the whole sex thing. She pounces on Gendry. For her sake, we hope he’s more hammer than Needle, if you know what we mean.

Jorah tries to convince Lyanna Mormont (his cousin) to stay out of the battle, but the tiny leader of Bear Island has no such plans. Sam arrives to hand Jorah his Valyrian steel family sword, Heartsbane.

Quick sidebar about Valyrian steel: Remember, other than dragonglass, it’s the only way to kill a White Walker. (Maybe fire can work, but that has yet to be seen.)

Current Valyrian steel weapons in circulation:

Heartsbane: Sam’s father, Randyll Tarly, enjoyed pointing out that Sam would never wield the family sword. Sam stole it when he ran off to the Citadel with Gilly. Now, Jorah Mormont has it.

Longclaw: This was originally in the hands of Lord Commander Jeor Mormont (Jorah’s father). He gave the sword to Jon.

Oathkeeper: This sword is one of two forged from the steel of Ned Stark’s melted-down sword, “Ice.” Tywin Lannister gifted it to Jaime, who gave it to Brienne.

Widow’s Wail: This is the other sword made from Ned’s old weapon. It was a gift to Joffrey Baratheon on his wedding day. (He used it to chop up a rare book Tyrion gave him, then slashed up a pie full of live birds because he was an absolute nightmare.) After his death by poison, his uncle/father Jaime claimed the sword.

Unnamed Valyrian steel dagger: Arya is currently packing this nimble little weapon. It first appeared in an assassin’s hand as he tried to kill Bran after his Season 1 fall. Catelyn Stark took it to King’s Landing, where Littlefinger lied and claimed it belonged to Tyrion Lannister, which kicked off a bit of drama. Littlefinger eventually gave the dagger to Bran, who regifted it to Arya.

We assume those weapons will be important to keep track of in the battle to come.

Against the backdrop of Arya’s sex and Sam’s sword-bequeathing, we see several scenes taking place in front of a roaring fire inside the castle. Tyrion and Jaime reminisce about old times. Soon, they’re joined by Tormund, Davos, Brienne, and Podrick. Tormund whips out an absolutely incredible story about why his last name is Giantsbane:

“I killed a giant when I was 10. Then I climbed right into bed with his wife. When she woke up, you know what she did? Suckled me at her teat for three months. Thought I was her baby. That’s how I got so strong. Giant’s milk.“

Tormund lifts a horn of milk to his lips and, well, we’ll let the actual closed captioning explain what happens next:

In a touching scene, Brienne explains that she’s not a knight because women are not allowed to be. Jaime notes that any knight can knight another person, so he blesses Brienne with the honor. Tears fill her eyes. She gives a genuine smile.

Harkening back to those scenes when Tyrion would convince his companions to play a drinking game or tell jokes, he asks if anyone can offer a song. At long last, Podrick pipes up. As he sings, we cut around Winterfell, catching glimpses of our beloved characters, many surely in their last hours. When you’re all out of words, music is all that’s left.

In the crypts of Winterfell, Jon explains the truth of his parentage to Dany. She’s freaked out and not sure she can believe him. And then, as if any of this matters, she blurts out, “If it were true, it would make you the last male heir of House Targaryen. You’d have a claim to the Iron Throne.” It’s really weird that Dany is so focused on the potential leadership structure of a world none of them may live to see. It’s like when the ’85 Bears recorded the “Super Bowl Shuffle” two months before the game. Maybe focus on the battle first and worry about your novelty rap single (or monarchy distribution) after the fact.

While Dany is focused on all the wrong stuff, a horn blares and everyone races to the walls. The dead are here. Winter has come to Winterfell. Next week, bodies hit the floor.

This episode shared echoes with the greatest scene in “Jaws.” It begins with the three shark hunters in a boat, comparing scars and sharing stories of old adventures…

…which leads into the terrifying story of how Quint survived the sinking of the U.S.S. Indianapolis and the subsequent shark attacks…

…and when the story ends and the reality of the danger sinks in, there’s nothing left to do but sing…

All of those beats were repeated in this wonderful episode, one that draws on the strengths of seven seasons of character development, pulls us in close, and prepares to rip our hearts out.

We live in an era of entertainment where giant CGI battles dazzle our eyes but leave us cold. The deaths of a million computer-generated characters mean nothing compared to the death of one character we’ve grown to love. That’s the beauty of this series. At the heart of every battle is a character we love or loathe. In some cases, we’re rooting for players on both sides of the war. And all of these characters have lost something. In that loss, they are united. No matter who or what they lost, they now stand to lose their lives. So it’s time to team up or shut up.

An episode like this is rare in television. But it was a wonderful payoff for all those who have come to love this series. No matter what happens in next week’s battle, the viewers are the true winners.

Final score: 4 out of 4 stars

Bold prediction: Because we have not seen the Night King this season, we’re guessing he’s not going to hit Winterfell, but rather attack the Iron Islands or King’s Landing while the rest of his zombies jump on our heroes. With three episodes still ahead after next week, it seems too early to end the threat he poses. (It also doesn’t make sense for the dead army to snuff out everyone at Winterfell, so the safe bet is some sort of mixed result – a bunch of dead zombies, a bunch of dead heroes, but a greater threat still waiting.)

Another prediction: They’re shoving everyone in the crypts where it’s “safe.” They’re facing an army that can raise dead people back to life. The crypts are going to be an absolute bloodbath.

Oh, and for what it’s worth, the online betting site Bovada will let you wager on whether or not next week’s first death of a living character will occur before or after the 15-minute mark. Either way, we’re in for a long night.